Jokes about English words anyone, everyone, someone, nobody

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr Sori : You are now talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : I’m Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent!

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : I’m Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr Sori : I’m Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I don’t like your tone of voice Mr and I don’t care, give me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already I’m Sori! I’m Sori!! I’m SORI!!! You didn’t even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I’m Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the company. He is Noe Buddy!

Jokes about names of leaders in the world

Secretary : – Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : – Good, send her in.
Secretary : – Yessir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza : – Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : – Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condoleeza : – Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : – Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : – Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : – Well, that’s what I want to know.
Condoleeza : – But that’s what I’m telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : – Well, that’s what I’m asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : – Yes.
George B. : – I mean the fellow’s name.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The guy in China.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : – Hu.
George B. : – The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : – Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : – Whaddya’ asking me for?
Condoleeza : – I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : – Well, I’m asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : – That’s the man’s name.
George B. : – That’s who’s name?
Condoleeza : – Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : – Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : – That’s correct.
George B. : – Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : – No, sir.
George B. : – Then who is?
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Yassir?
Condoleeza : – No, sir.

(Pause. Crumples paper)

George B. : – Condi, you’re starting to piss me off now, and it’s not ’cause you’re black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don’t you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : – Kofi Annan?
George B. : – No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : – You want Kofi?
George B. : – No.
Condoleeza : – You don’t want Kofi.
George B. : – No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : – Kofi?
George B. : – Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : – And call who?
George B. : – Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : – No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : – Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : – Yes, sir.
George B. : – And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : – Kofi.
George B. : – All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : – Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : – Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don’t know.

Jokes about Watt & Knott

Knott: “Who’s calling?”
Watt: “Watt.”
Knott: “What is your name, please?”
Watt: “Watt’s my name.”
Knott: “That’s what I asked you. What’s your name?”
Watt: “That’s what I told you. Watt’s my name.”
[Pause]
Watt: “Is this James Brown?”
Knott: “No, this is Knott.”
Watt: “Please tell me your name.”
Knott: “Will Knott.”
Watt: “Why not?”
Knott: “Huh? What do you mean why not?”
Watt: “Yeah! Why won’t you tell me your name?”
Knott: “But I told you my name!”
Watt: “No you didn’t you said, “Will not”.
Knott: “Not not, Knott, Will Knott!”
Watt: “That’s what I mean.”
Knott: “So you know my name.”
Watt: “Of course not!”
Knott: “Good. So now, what is yours?”
Watt: “Watt. Yours?”
Knott: “Your name!”
Watt: “Watt’s my name.”
Knott: “How the hell do I know? I am asking you!”
Watt: “Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet.”
Knott: “You’ve been patient? What about me?”
[Pause]
Knott: “I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet.”
Watt: “Of course not!”
Knott: “See, you even know my name!”
Watt: “Of course not!”
Knott: “Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?”
Watt: “Because I don’t.”
[Pause]
Knott: “What is your name?”
Watt: “See, you do know!”
Knott: “Of course not!”
Watt:”Then why do you keep saying, Watt is your name.”
Knott: “To find out your name!”
Watt: “But you already know it!”
Knott: “What?”
Watt: “See!”
Knott: “Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what would your answer be?”
Watt: “Watt’s my name.”
Knott: “No, no, give me only one word.”
Watt: “Watt”
Knott: “Your name!”
Watt: “Right!”
[Pause before it hits him]
Knott: “Oh, Wright!”
Watt: “Yeah!”
Knott: “So why didn’t you say so before?”
Watt: “I told you so many times!”
Knott: “You never said Wright before”
Watt: “Of course I did.”
Knott: “OK I won’t argue any more. Do you know my name?”
Watt: “I do not.”
Knott: Well, there you go, now we know each other’s name.”
Watt: “I do not!”
Knott: “Good!”
Watt: “Oh, Guud!”
Knott: “Good.”
Watt: “No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?”
Knott: “No, it’s Knott!”
Watt: “Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud.”
Knott: “Yes Wright.”

Holy Darkness

Here’s a very good Christian song. When sang in the dark, with the light of the candle, very solemn.

Holy Darkness

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

I have tried you in fires of affliction;
I have taught your soul to grieve.
In the barren soil of your loneliness,
there I will plant my seed.

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

I have taught you the price of compassion;
you have stood before the grave.
Though my love can seem
like a raging storm,
this is the love that saves.

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

Were you there
when I raised up the mountains?
Can you guide the morning star?
Does the hawk take flight
when you give command?
Why do you doubt my pow’r?

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

In your deepest hour of darkness
I will give you wealth untold.
When the silence stills your spirit,
will my riches fill your soul.

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

As the watchman waits for morning,
and the bride awaits her groom,
so we wait to hear your footsteps
as we rest beneath your moon.

Holy darkness, blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

Regards,
Christopher Heru